It’s funny—when I looked around for some content writing examples online, I couldn’t find anything that was good…

I actually do have some badass content writing examples for you.

Let’s dig in.

Write Your Homepage Last… Start with Your Contact Page

Why the fuck are we writing the contact page first?

Because it’s fucking easy.

And you know what’s not fucking easy?

Writing in fucking general.

I mean, come on—why the fuck did you search for content writing examples in the first fucking place?

Because you’re trying to figure out how to fucking do it, right?

And if you have to figure out how to do it, you’re not a pro, or you’re a new pro, or you’re a business owner bootstrapping their shit, or what the fuck ever, but you’re not the person who reads “Know SEO responsibilities in web writing” and slaps themselves in their stupid fucking skull and goes “Oh geesh! I forgot to KNOW SEO RESPONSIBILITIES”…

For Christ’s fucking sake… we couldn’t at least say learn SEO responsibilities?

This is why AI is taking over this job. This is why we can’t have nice things, dipshits.

Good fucking work everyone.

…So, any-fucking-way, we start with the contact page because it’s easy. You can do it. A caveman could do it. And we love cavemen and that commercial.

And then when you finish your easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy contact page, you go, “Well fuck me sideways with a hammer—I think I can do another page!”

Orrrrrrrrrr you take a long break, but goddammit, you finished something, and you deserve that break.

(P. fucking S. You actually do deserve that break if writing isn’t your thing. You know what’s not my thing? Gymnastics. If you asked me to do the things my kid can do in gymnastics, I would get a hernia, break my hips, and go to the hospital. And if I was able to do a single fucking somersault, I would be so proud I would treat myself to a cake and take a break for a month. If something isn’t your thing, it’s actually fucking okay for it to take forever, and I would expect it to. End profanity-filled inspirational speech.)

What should your contact page look like? Let’s talk specifics (unlike the god-awful moron-tier shit that’s ranking for the keyword phrase content writing examples currently).

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

How to Write a Fucking Contact Page

Google wants a few fucking things on your contact page, but fuck Google, think about what your audience wants.

And then really think about that, and then think about what they need, and then think about what you need.

For example, you may not have a brick-and-mortar store, which means you may not want to put an address on your contact page (even though the dickheads at Google want you to, and let me just tell you, it took them many years to realize that, perhaps, not everyone wanted to put their fucking address on there).

However, you might want to put a service area on there.

You might also want to put a contact form, or you might not—you might want them to opt-in to get awesome fucking emails from you (like the ones you can get from me by opting in here), or you might not have a fucking email list (which is stupid of you, but you know, fucking whatever bro).

Consider putting these fucking items on there:

• NAP (name (of your business), address, phone number)
• Service area or list of states/cities/counties/towns/townships/city-states/fiefdoms served
• Contact form (ask for name and email at least, possibly address, phone number, what the fuck they need help with, and a space for them to write their stupid little message to you. I also like little fucking checklists on here so someone can quickly tell you about the product or service they’re interested in)
• Hours (if you got ’em)
• Maybe a nice little fucking message about how you can’t wait to fucking hear from them

Here’s an example of a contact page that I think does a pretty fucking good job of this:

Now isn’t that fucking nice?

Okay, you wrote your contact page. Good fucking job, bud.

Now what?

Homepage?

God no—way too fucking hard.

And you know what? Homepages are hard as fuck if you do them first but easy as fuck if you do them last.

Because you can reuse all the content from your other pages to fill in the homepage.

Now, I once worked with this fuckhead who complained about this and said, “All the content is the same! Google will penalize us! It has to be UNIQUEEEEEE.”

First of all, no Google fucking won’t—they said this back in 2008 (you know, the year when everything went to shit and never got better).

Third, if that stupid dicknuts had read the content carefully, she would have realized that I had made slight changes to the content for whiny dipshits like her.

Anyway… what do we write next? What content writing example do you want next, bud?

Fuck it, let’s do the about page (even though I don’t have one lmfao got ’em).

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

How to Write a Fucking About Page

What’s the point of a fucking about page?

More importantly, what’s the point of a fucking website?

I’m guessing it’s to make you fucking money, right? That money’s not coming out of fucking trees—it’s coming out of some dipshit’s pocket.

So your about page should be for that motherfucker, right?

Not you.

(Join my fucking email list for more awesome shit like this–I’ll email you every fucking day with tips, and if you stick with me, kid, you’ll become a pro in no time.)

You already know who the fuck you are and why the fuck you do what you do. Guess what? The people you’re trying to sell to ONLY care about this if it has something to do with them.

So there are two ways to approach this:

1. Write about yourself and get real fucking personal and vulnerable so that people who identify with you can feel connected to you (or at least feel like you guys are on the same page about the thing you sell).
2. Write about everything you do for them and how what you do is going to help them/benefit them/change their shitty lives, etc.

Look, motherfuckers only come to your website because they’ve got a problem and they think you’ve got a solution, right? 

Even if that solution is, “The best fucking noodles in Dallas.”

Or even, “The mediocre-est noodles in Dallas.”

Who the fuck do motherfuckers prefer to buy from?

1. The cheapest fuckhead around (you don’t want to be this cocksucker)
2. The fuckhead they feel connected to or identify with
3. The fuckhead with the best shit in town
4. The fuckhead who provides excellent fucking customer service (even if they’re a little expensive or not the best quality)

An about page is your chance to show them which of these motherfuckers you are.

Look at how this hard motherfucker does his about page:

This shit is real and raw. He manages to do both things at the same time (impressive, actually).

First, he’s vulnerable. He tells you who he is at a deep level, admitting to some shit that a lot of people would rather leave in their fucking past.

Then, he talks about what the fuck he’s going to do for you. Somehow, you get to the end, and you think to yourself, “Damn, this guy could actually help me. And he’s not some overly polished guru—he’s a real dude. He’s kinda like me! Except for the abs and such.”

Another great way to write an about page is to just make a long list of the shit you believe. If I did this for my own website, it’d go something like this:

• I believe everyone can learn how to be an awesome fucking writer
• I believe that people who are dickheads should eat shit and die
• I believe that, if you hurt people, you should die in a fire
• I believe that greed is the root of all evil
• I believe that being strange is fucking badass
• I believe that, if you’re easily offended, you should eat a bag of dicks
• I believe that, if you (and I mean literally you—the person reading this fucking page) write enough words, you can be as good as me (which is halfway decent), better than me, much better than me, or so fucking good you make me look like the man-child that I likely am

You get the idea.

So, as you read that, you learned a lot about me, and you either said, “Hey, fuck this guy! I’m gone!” or, “Hey, I like this guy! I’m gonna keep reading!”

But you know what you didn’t fucking say?

“Eh….”

That’s death to marketing.

Motherfuckers are so fucking scared of offending people or not being fucking professional that they come off as bland corporate cogs on their own fucking websites, which is just fucking sad.

If people read a list like the one above and think to themselves, “They’re not right for me,” that’s a fucking BLESSING, bud.

Do you really want to book a call with some dickhead who isn’t jazzed up to meet you? 

Do you want to start working with a client who is lukewarm on you at best? 

Do you want to deal with the long, slow decline of this shit relationship, wondering when they’re going to stop complaining and just fire you?

Do you want to sell products to people who are going to fucking send them back? 

Or complain the whole goddamn time they have them?

Or do you want to work with people who feel fucking honored to work with you? Who really get you, and whom you really get? People you vibe hard as fuck with? Who are going to be clients for life?

Yeah, I think you want those fuckers.

The about page should work as a screen, turning away motherfuckers who are a bad fit, saving both of you time, while accelerating the interest of the people who are a great fit (but don’t know it until they see what you’re really like).

Product page time.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

How to Write a Badass Product or Service Page (Plus Content Writing Examples of Product Pages)

What’s the point of a fucking product page?

To make fucking money.

Product and services pages are built to make you money, but that’s not why a potential or current customer visits that page, now is it?

Except I see new fucking writers write these goddamn pages as though they’re for someone else at the business.

To be fair, they probably have a dumbass boss who doesn’t understand shit about copywriting or content writing and gives them bad fucking advice… seen it a million times.

But think about it—when you go to a product page, you’re going because you have a problem that you think this product or service will solve, right?

You’re probably not there to just look at a list of features (though those might be important to you).

Depending on how long you’ve been thinking about this particular problem, you might just be trying to figure out if you even need the problem solved, period.

If you’re not familiar, let’s talk real quick about sales funnels. 

They look a lot by this one that Salesforce made:

So someone might be on your page just to learn about potential answers to their problem in general.

They might be there because they’re comparing what you offer to what other people offer.

And they might be there because they’re pretty sure they want to buy from you and just need to figure out how to do it.

It can for sure get a lot more fucking complicated than this, but this is a nice, general way to think of it.

So a product page needs to speak to the same audience in at least 3 different stages of their little journey to buying your fucking shit, right?

Here’s what we want to see on a fucking product/service page:

• The biggest benefit you got first (a benefit is how your product improves their life in some way)
• A story that integrates the reader into it as the main character (more on this below)
• More benefits that aren’t as important but that are still enticing
• Language that’s enticing, sensory, and engaging, that fuels their imagination of how much better their lives will be with your product in hand
• Social proof (reviews/testimonials)
• Content for all the images that increases their impact (not every picture is obvious without callouts, labels, captions, etc.)

Most important of all is the story (because our dum munkey brains love them).

You need to weave a story with your reader in the center, the hero who is able to complete their fucking quest thanks to whatever awesome shit you, their guide, give them.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

Why the Fuck Do I Need to Write a Fucking Story on My Fucking Product Page?

A long time ago, probably in the cradle of civilization (Africa, if you don’t know), human beings who had been using language for a relatively short period of time started telling each other stories.

I really need you to pay attention to this next part:

This was at least 150,000 years ago—possibly 200,000.

Writing was invented about 5,500 years ago.

So for something like 144,500 years or more (possibly a lot more), the only way to transmit information was verbally.

So we came up with a little trick for doing that—the story.

And over many tens of thousands of years—an amount of time you and I can’t even conceive of—our fucking munkey brains evolved to love, respect, and look for stories.

Incidentally, this is why we latch onto conspiracy theories so easily, but that’s a different rant for a different time.

For all of us, a story is easier to remember than a list of facts.

You can write down a list of facts in a book, sure, and it’ll last a long-ass time.

But no book? No idea what a book is? Book hasn’t been invented yet? Fucking paper hasn’t been invented yet? Lists of facts just don’t work.

Stories do.

To say that we are hard-wired for stories is exactly correct.

So we need to see stories on a product page—even if they’re just little bitty fuckers—because our brains latch on to that quick.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

How to Write a Fucking Story for Your Fucking Product  Page

Obviously I don’t mean products used for the act of fucking, but you know, it would probably work just as well, though I’ve always guessed those things sell themselves…

You’ve got a few options here for writing a story that pulls your readers in and convinces them to buy while keeping things short (it’s somewhat different if you want it to really go in-depth here):

• Make the story about why you do what you do so that customers who relate will feel like you “get” them or they’re “like you” or somesuch nonsense (it really works—humans r dum)
• Write a bitty little story about the product itself (how you got it, where it’s from, the person who makes it, the first customer, your latest customer, etc.)
• Write the customer into the story

How do we do this? Let’s look at some fucking copywriting examples, shall we?

Here’s what Crocs does with their OG clog:

This is the product description from their website:

“Original. Versatile. Comfortable. It’s the iconic clog that started a comfort revolution around the world! The irreverent go-to comfort shoe that you’re sure to fall deeper in love with day after day. Crocs Classic Clogs offer lightweight Iconic Crocs Comfort™, a color for every personality, and an ongoing invitation to be comfortable in your own shoes.”

After the first three adjectives, they tell a tiny story in one sentence:

“The iconic clog that started a comfort revolution around the world.” Is a story about them, about the product, and one that makes our dumb munkey brains go “oh my.”

Then, they put you into the story:

“The irreverent go-to comfort shoe that you’re sure to fall deeper in love with day after day.” and “A color for every personality, and an ongoing invitation to be comfortable in your own shoes.”

And don’t you just want to be a lazy, comfortable, fat sack of shit? I know I do.

So they’ve followed two of my stupid, simple bullet points: story about the product, weave your reader into the story.

Let’s look at another content writing example with a pretty damn good story.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

Another Fucking Content Writing Example

Here’s one from Acer:

“In a city of endless lights and relentless pace, the Predator Helios 18 AI rises as a weapon forged for those who dare to go beyond. Armed with up to an Intel® Core™ Ultra 9 processor, a mesmerizing 4K Mini LED display, and GeForce RTX™ 5090 Laptop GPU, this machine doesn’t just react—it anticipates.”

Oooooooo, somebody was channeling their inner novelist today, now weren’t they?

Remember, behind every great copywriter is a tragic story about their failure to become a real writer.

So this is a literal story: “In a city of endless lights and relentless pace” is our setting.

“The Predator Helios 18 AI rises as a weapon for those who dare to go beyond.” is the main character.

Now, this is a dangerous move—you usually want to make the reader the MC in your story. 

However, they’ve done something clever: they’ve called it a weapon (which is rarely a character but often used by an MC), and then they’ve said, “for those who dare to go beyond.”

Beyond what? Who knows! But do you dare?

Do you fucking dare, bro?

But then they kinda make it an MC again when they anthropomorphize it: “this machine doesn’t just react—it anticipates.”

How terrifying.

So they’ve hinted that you’re in the story if you fucking double dog dare, but they have a bonified story with multiple characters, a setting, and an amorphous potential goal that we all sort of understand by virtue of looking at gaming laptops in the first place (play awesome games).

If I’m being honest, this one’s pretty damn good, but notice that these stories didn’t have to be 10 pages long, or even half a page—a few sentences is enough.

You just have to be punchy with your copy—and that takes practice.

Now, let’s talk about benefits and look at some content writing examples where the writers have done a great job outlining the benefits.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

Why Fucking Benefits Are so Fucking Important

The benefits part is incredibly important. 

If people get to a product page and see a list of features, unless they really care about and (importantly) fucking understand those features, they’re going to be annoyed, confused, put off, or all three…

And they’ll leave.

A window in your home is a perfect example of a product where the features don’t fucking matter for shit.

Look at your fucking window right fucking now and see if you can tell me what your SHGC is.

Wait, are you fucking telling me you don’t know your SHGC?!

You don’t even know what a fucking Solar Heat Gain Coefficient is?!

Should it be high or low?

I know a guy who can tell you—I can, but only because I’ve written for him.

99.9% of window buyers:

• Don’t fucking know what that is
• Don’t fucking care what that is (even if it’s a huge benefit for them)

But guess fucking what? If you live somewhere that’s hot as dick, this is a really, really important number because the lower it is, the less heat from the sun gets into your home.

Which means that:

• Your home doesn’t get fucking hot as shit when it’s 107 degrees (or, you know, 42 for everyone else in the world)
• Your cooling bill isn’t $500 in August (or your local equivalent if you’re on the southern side of the planet)

Those are goddamn benefits.

That’s understandable to the average person who is trying to figure out if they’re getting the right windows (if you live somewhere very cold, you actually want a high SHGC to let in as much heat as possible, but who the fuck would know that unless you, the writer, translated it into a benefit for them?).

A badass product page converts features into benefits. It starts with one big benefit, it includes many other benefits in little easily digestible lists (no more than 8 bullet points), and it includes the nitty gritty features for the weirdos who are into that shit (there’s always some).

Let’s look at another content writing example. Here’s Apple doing a great job of turning features into benefits.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

The text from Apple:

“iPhone 16 Pro is built for Apple Intelligence, the personal intelligence system that helps you write, express yourself, and get things done effortlessly. With groundbreaking privacy protections, it gives you peace of mind that no one else can access your data — not even Apple.”

We’ve got two benefits in here—because really, who the fuck understands what Apple Intelligence or any other AI slave really can or cannot do? 

Or even what the fuck they are? 

Are they alive? 

Are they pissed that people keep trying to have sex with them? 

Are they coming for my job? 

Literally nobody knows.

But they’ve translated that into something our dum munkey brains can understand: “helps you write, express yourself, and get things done effortlessly.”

Oh, okay, well I do like to express myself, and boy do I hate effort! You got me, Apple.

“it gives you peace of mind that no one else can access your data” which, apparently, a lot of people still worry about (I gave up on plugging that dam that a long time ago).

Not really a story, but definitely gives us a better understanding of benefits vs. features.

Before I let you go, don’t forget the social proof—it’s scary how well it works.

(Wondering if you have what it takes to become a freelance writer? Take the free quiz and see if you’ve got the chops).

What the Shit Is Social Proof?

If you asked 5 people you know personally for their opinions on the best laptop computer to buy, and then you looked at 5 online reviews from absolute strangers on the best laptop computer to buy, your brain would weigh them equally.

That doesn’t say much about our intelligence as human beings, but it’s a quirk of psychology to be aware of.

If people see the picture of literally some rando on your product’s page with a little quote next to it, they’ll say, “Oh! This is probably fine to buy, then, if Ben says so!”

Equally important is the fact that you’ve written a story about the product and drawn them in with enticing, sensory-engaging language.

But even more important than that is that you don’t stop here:

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